


Folklore

by hauntedexile



Series: what if i'm someone you don't want around [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Folklore, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25503823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedexile/pseuds/hauntedexile
Summary: In which Buck and Eddie's story gets told through Taylor Swift's new album Folklore.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: what if i'm someone you don't want around [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847587
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. august

**Author's Note:**

> HA i suck at writing and grammar...and spelling...and what are words?...and basically everything, but i'm a sucker for taylor swift and evan buckley so here we are. this probably makes no sense so it's a good thing imma rewrite these eventually.

**_ /salt air, and the rust on your door _ **

**_ i never needed anything more/ _ **   
  
  


if there's one thing evan buckley knows by heart it is how many steps it is from eddie diaz's front door to the stop light at the end of the street (1,005 steps. sometimes if buck's walking quickly it's 991). he became acquainted with eddie's neighbor's dog barking at him the early hours of a monday morning as he slips out the door along with the smell of salt heavy in the air that had wafted up from the ocean. the door would creak, the old hinges having already rusted over two summers ago, and buck always prays that christopher sleeps soundly through it.   
  
  


**_ /whispers of "are you sure?" _ **

**_ "never have i ever before"/ _ **   
  
  


the first time buck fell into eddie's bed, bare back meeting crinkled, cool sheets, he felt like he was electrified. like every nerve ending in his body was on fire and sending rapid responses to his brain and just as easily as eddie's name could leave his lips, a mantra of "yes, yes, yes" took its place. an eager response to every question eddie diaz asked.  
  
  


**_ /but i can see us lost in the memory/ _ **   
  
  


friday night move nights with eddie and his kid drifted into pancake saturday's each night that eddie called him to his bed. christopher was never none the wiser, whether it being his young age or the innocent thoughts of eddie and buck being just friends, either one, neither of the two adults were complaining. buck would flip pancakes every single saturday morning, while eddie and chris did their normal exercises for the next six weeks. each of them falling into and embracing the new familiarity, each enjoying the comfort of another person.  
  
  


**_ /august slipped away into a moment in time/ _ **   
  
  


july and august flew by so fast, buck barely remembers blinking. los angeles' temperatures have gotten a bit nippy, buck finds himself tugging eddies jacket tighter around him as he walks to the stoplight. they started sharing clothes a long time ago, if the team at work notices, they don't speak on the matter.   
  
  


**_ /cause it was never mine/ _ **   
  
  


perhaps, their first mistake was never talking about what they were, never defining it. buck actually can't pinpoint what their first mistake was, there was far too many to do that.  
  
  


**_ /and i can see us twisted in bed sheets/ _ **   
  
  


waking up, tucked tightly into eddie's side, skin on skin and soft, warm puffs of breath on his cheek was buck's favorite way to wake up (he figured this out, after two days of waking up like this). buck doesn't know how he ever slept before.  
  
  


**_ /august sipped away like a bottle of wine _ **

**_ cause you were never mine/ _ **   
  
  


the leaves fell from the trees, the wind bit at exposed ankles and wrists, and just like that, as quick as a five second rule, august bled into september.  
  
  


**_ /your back beneath the sun/ _ **   
  
  


buck decides that his favorite month is july after watching eddie strip his shirt and lay in the sparkling sand.  
  
  


**_ /wishin' i could write my name on it/ _ **   
  
  


if buck could get a video tattooed on his skin, it would be the way eddie smiled and hummed in relaxation and pure content as buck's fingers traced over his tattoos exposed on his golden back. buck couldn't tell if his cheeks were hot because of the attraction and warmth he felt for the older man, or the blistering july sun beating down on them. he doesn't want to find out nor does he really care. he's good with either option as long as eddie is in both of them.  
  
  


**_ /will you call when you're back in school? _ **

**_ i remember thinkin' i had you/ _ **   
  
  


and just as quickly as august sipped away like a bottle of wine, just as quickly as june bled into july, then july into august, then august into september, it was all over. reality came crashing into buck like the waves of an ocean beating against the rocks on a cliff side in the dead of winter. each word sliced buck like the chilling, hypothermic water would do as the rocks, carved out deep crevices in the wake of its destruction.

"shannon's back, buck. she wants...she wants another shot. she wants a chance to do it right this time."  
  
  


**_ /back when we were still changin' for the better _ **

**_ wanting was enough _ **

**_ for me, it was enough _ **

**_ to live for the hope of it all/ _ **   
  
  


buck stopped sleeping around the second eddie diaz waltzed into his life with his earth shattering smile and his heart breaker of a kid. and he was better for it. he spent actual time with his sister and team members. he wasn't chasing anything with a pretty smile and a mile long of unresolved issues and trauma. it was good. for buck, that was all he would ever need. eddie diaz and his kid.  
  
  


**_ /cancelled plans just in case you'd call/ _ **   
  
  


eddie and buck didn't always have the same schedule but that was okay. they had their friday nights together and that was enough for awhile. buck soon began giving excuses to his friends when they asked to play pool on the days eddie worked. buck knew it was irrational, but after eddie's shift every night, buck would text him goodnight and inquire about his day and if he went out and played pool with his buddies, he'd be too busy, too distracted to do that. and evan buckley was never too busy for eddie diaz.  
  
  


**_ /and say "meet me behind the mall" _ **

**_ /so much for summer love and saying "us"/ _ **   
  
  


buck hissed when eddie shoved him back against the fire truck, the kiss fueled with heat and all teeth as eddie took his bottom between them.

"find an excuse and meet me in the locker room in ten minutes."

and like a loyal, obedient golden retriever, buck did as he asked, no questions asked.  
  
  


**_ /cause you weren't mine to lose _ **

**_ you weren't mine to lose, no/ _ **   
  
  


"i mean , we're still married, buck. me and shannon...we can make this work if we tried."

evan buckley never felt more stupid. he was lusting after a married man. he has no right being upset over this, it was bound to happen and he was stupid for thinking otherwise. they were never together...just two people having one another through a dry spell.  
  
  


**_ /but i can see us lost in the memory/ _ **   
  
  


maddie asks buck what he misses more, half expecting him to say the sex and being taken by complete surprise when buck shrugs and speaks, "i guess the movie nights and us cooking breakfast together the next morning. it was so simple, so domestic. it's funny how you miss the simple things the most. the things you never stop to take in and truly appreciate."  
  
  


**_ /august slipped away into a moment in time/ _ **   
  
  


buck and eddie were in love in august...or buck was in love in with eddie in august. august seems like so long ago to buck. like a year ago and yesterday all at the same time.  
  
  


**_ /cause it was never mine _ **

**_ and i can see us twisted in bed sheets _ **

**_ august sipped away like a bottle of wine _ **

**_ cause you were never mine/ _ **   
  
  


eddie and buck tangled in the bed sheets in the early hours of the morning was buck's favorite memory. until buck realized that it's shannon and eddie tangled in the bed sheets now. eddie flashing his world famous lazy morning smile. buck's heart seizes at the memory.  
  
  


**_ /cause you were never mine _ **

**_ never mine _ **

**_ but do you remember?/ _ **   
  
  


buck wonders if eddie misses pancake saturday and friday night move nights. buck wonders if eddie thinks of him in the shower, in the back of the car, in the early morning hours when he can't sleep. he wonders if he thinks of him when he's holding shannon's hand or rocking chris to sleep. he wonders, but he never asks.  
  
  


**_ /remember when i pulled up and said "get in the car" _ **

**_ and then cancelled plans just in case you'd call? _ **

**_ back when i was livin' for the hope of it all _ **

**_ "meet me behind the mall"/ _ **   
  
  


eddie remembers. he remembers buck pulling up in his jeep, a playful smile on his lips as he pulls out a skateboard from the trunk and asking excitedly where his son was at. he remembers when chimney said that buck didn't go to open bar night because he "had other plans" and eddie knew what those other plans were. he was those "other plans" and those "other plans" consisted of waiting for him to get off work so he could call and tell him goodnight. eddie remembers when buck smiled a little longer at him, laughed a little louder. eddie remembers all the locker room dirty secrets and fire truck whispers. eddie remembers. he remembers them all. he also remembers that they were in love in august.  
  
  


**_ /fin/ _ **


	2. the 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which buck reels from losing eddie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this don't make no fucking sense but this is where we are at. i am rewriting all of these just as soon as i finish the story ;). also not all of these will be connected. some will flow together, others will not. thank you for reading and leaving kudos x

**_ /i'm doing good, i'm on some new shit/ _ **

it didn't happen overnight, but eventually buck could breathe again. the heaviness in his chest finally eased up. the loneliness and the routine he had grown accustomed to with eddie and christopher, finally began to change with the weather. buck was finally becoming happy again after months of dark days and cloudy skies.

**_ /been saying "yes" instead of "no"/ _ **

**__ **

"you doing okay?" maddie would ask every day and every day buck would give her the same monotone answer. "no," would leave his lips and maddie's face would drop and her arms would be wrapped around buck's frame, squeezing tight as if his life depended on it.

today was different though. buck doesn't know if it was the weather or maybe he slept good, but today was...good. so when maddie asked him if he was okay that morning as she let herself move around his kitchen, he smiled slightly before answering, "yes". that was the first of the many "yes's" that would come. buck didn't miss the way maddie whirled around in complete shock, her eyes wide and tender before a beaming smile graced her face. 

"great," she had said. "i feel like it's a waffle and strawberries kinda day, don't you?"

**_ /i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn't though/ _ **

**__ **

buck knew he was getting better when he saw someone that resembled eddie and his heart didn't plummet to his stomach and panic didn't set into his bones. his fight or flight finally seized. buck wasn't relieved nor upset when he realized that it wasn't eddie, he just forced a smile and waved.

**_ /i hit the sunday matinee _ **

**_ you know the greatest films of all time were never made/ _ **

**__ **

"buck, you wanna go to the movies with us?" chimney asked as he stood in buck's living room, maddie pressed tightly into his side. chimney wouldn't say it out loud, but he was beginning to worry about buck. maddie claims he's doing better, but getting him to go to any function with them was starting to become a tedious task. in fact, chimney can't name a time in the last three months that they went out since his and eddie's "break up".

"no chim, i don't think so," buck said softly, maddie's smile visibly dropping and with it, buck's heart. "you know what," he began again, shaking his head. "yeah, a movie sounds nice actually."

**_ /i guess you never know, never know _ **

**_ and if you wanted me, you really should've showed/ _ **

**__ **

seeing eddie at work was hard. he was always bubbling with happiness, talking excitedly with the team about things shannon and christopher were doing or had done. it was at times like this that buck's jealously raged on. he would've gave...anything to be shannon, to have what he and shannon had. eddie was either playing dumb or he genuinely did not know that buck was in constant agony. he would smile brightly and ask when buck was coming over again and let him know that chris was missing him. if only eddie knew that buck was missing him and chris too, and missing a something a whole lot more.

**_ /and if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow _ **

**_ and it's alright now/ _ **

**__ **

the hardest part of it all wasn't losing eddie, it was losing himself.

**_ /i have this dream you're doing cool shit _ **

**_ having adventures on your own _ **

**_ you meet some woman on the internet and take her home _ **

**_ we never painted by the numbers, baby _ **

**_ but we were making it count _ **

**_ you know the greatest loves of all time are over now/ _ **

**__ **

buck realized, painstakingly, that him and eddie were never together and eddie was never his. they were never in a relationship, they were never just "buck and eddie and chris". they were never a family. it doesn't matter how much buck wanted him to be his, they never took that leap. perhaps they'll be one of those stories that they had to endure in order to get to their happily ever afters. maybe eddie was his happily ever after and he just wasn't his.

**_ /i guess you never know, never know _ **

**_ and it's another day waking up alone/ _ **

**__ **

each morning gets a little easier. each morning buck waits up lighter, more content. breakfast became easier to swallow and seeing eddie ached, but it was dulling day by day. waking up alone in his king bed slowly became just another routine he needed to relearn. but some days, god, some days it felt like the hands on his clock had arthritis. some days his legs were heavy and his eyes burned with unshed tears. some days, there's only an empty, cold bed where he thought eddie's body would be. 

**_ /i, i, i persist and resist the temptation to ask you _ **

**_ if one thing had been different _ **

**_ would everything be different today?/ _ **

**__ **

there's so many things buck wanted to ask eddie. there's so many "what if" scenarios he plays through. so many instances in which they made it and they were happy and in love. at night he wonders if shannon never showed up would they still be together, would he still be taking chris to school? if buck had voiced the way he felt would he be the one tangled up with eddie when the lights turned low?

**_ /we were something, don't you think?/ _ **

**__ **

"stop telling yourself that you and him were nothing, buck," carla spoke softly shaking her head. "you and eddie were a lot of things but you were not nothing. give yourself more credit than that. it meant something to you and that's all that matters, whether or not it meant something to him."

buck would just shake his head and with tear filled eyes he'd stammered out, "wanna know something really pathetic carla? he was a whole fucking _chapter_ in my book and i was just merely a line in his."

**_ /rose flowing with your chosen family/ _ **

**__ **

christmas dinner came and went at the firehouse and with it, buck's tears. he didn't expect it to hurt that bad. four months later and evan buckley still looks at eddie diaz like he hung the moon and stars. the sad thing is, buck thought he was getting better. he thought he was moving on, but buck's been wrong about a lot of things lately. no matter how many beers he drinks, how many people he lets fall into his bed and holy bible spread him, there's always a lingering hope that eddie diaz will crawl up in his bed and beg him to hold him until he falls asleep. he prays and prays and prays but he never does.

**_ /and it would've been sweet _ **

**_ if it could've been me/ _ **

**__ **

"you know what, buck?" chimney asks after one too many at the bar room. "he's just not into you and it would be great if he was right?" he asked as buck knitted his eyebrows together in confusion taking in the shape of his future brother in law sprawled out on his couch with his eyes closed.

"uh, yeah?" buck answered, confused as to where the conversation was taking them and making a quick decision to entertain the intoxicated man.

"yeah," chimney confirmed. "it really would be, but the sad, hard truth is that he just isn't, kid. you need to let him go and move on. he isn't coming back. you need to stop waiting. all you're doing is hurting yourself and preventing yourself from being happy. we love you, buck. it's time to let go."

**_ /in my defense, i have none _ **

**_ for digging up the grave another time _ **

**_ but it would've been fun _ **

**_ if you would've been the one/ _ **

**__ **

_"this is eddie diaz. i can't take your call right now, leave a message and i'll get back to you."_

"hey eddie, it's uh...it's buck. i'm just calling...i'm just calling you to say goodbye and that this is where i leave you."

**_ /fin/ _ **


End file.
